The Dreaded "M" Word

It is hovering over me today like a little black cloud. Just waiting to pour down over my head in a torrent of delirium. MASTITIS. I woke up at 5:00am to feed Faith, and had that "Oh. No." feeling as I felt searing pain in my left breast.

I've had Mastitis twice before and it about turned me inside out with insanity. It affects my mind, and comes on so quickly that I barely even know what is happening. Honestly, no exaggeration, I flip out. Last time, I ended up half crazy with a 104+ temp in the middle of the night, just praying I could keep my wits about me until I could get medicine by morning. The stuff is dangerous and sneaks up on me with little warning. It scares me so, because of its firm mental grip.

So, since early this morning I've been trying to cut it off at the pass with a little self help before it becomes the "M" word. I've been nursing almost exlusively on that side, but I can feel the milk and the knot gathering in there. You are supposed to nurse, which is such a good feeling as the burn does ease up. But then I'm also supposed to massage the knot under heat (shower) and do arm swings to get things moving. TALK ABOUT POURING SALT ON A WOUND...that burns like the dickins! But the alternative is that I wig out on my unsuspecting husband, so I've been popping Advil and massaging the knot, while a fleet of pain endorphins surge through my body.

I was feeling pretty good by noon, but it is back. I have one pill, ONE, that I saved from my prescription over three years ago, for this very purpose. It probably is a dud by now. But my experiences were bad enough, that I felt compelled to save that pill. I coddle that blue pill like it is worth thousands of dollars.

I warned Ken this morning, and he informed me with a deer in the head lights look that he was going to be working outside of the home today. He says he can't remember me losing it before, but the look said it all. Somewhere deep in his cerebral cortex he remembers..I saw it in his eyes...Primal Fear.