Meet Me At The Door Maggie

The sadness is all consuming when I am alone with my thoughts. My sweetheart lays buried in the corner of our backyard under the shade of the forest. Just a few days ago she was laying right where my feet are now resting. Every room I walk in, every corner of the yard, holds remnants of her presence. And while I have already given away her super huge pillow to my sister-in-law for her cousins to use, as well as her food, I can't bear yet to empty out her water bowl, and tuck it away. How I miss my sweetheart.

The Lord was so good to us on Friday morning. Ken had slept on the couch next to her all night, and after a 5:00am feeding, I came down the stairs to find her laying on the cool hardwoods. When she saw me, I received the familiar loving tail wag that creates thumps of joy on the floor. I laid on the floor next to her with my pillow for a little while thinking of the few hours I had left with her. Her body was failing, but her cup of love for us was still full.

Trying to get her more comfortable, we went on the front porch and enjoyed the sunrise, cool air on our faces, and the chatter of the birds. For two hours we camped out. One by one, as Ken and the children woke up, they came out to hang with us on the porch and cuddle up to Maggie. Her constant tremors were always there taunting me. They were the first sign that something was amiss a month ago, and now they consumed her body everytime she tried to lay down and rest. How quickly this whole mess had fallen on her.

The blow hit the hardest when Ken made the appointment for 9:40am that morning. It sucked the wind out of me. Looking at the clock I had exactly one hour left with Maggie. Only sixty more minutes to enjoy the warmth of her fur and let her know a hundred more times just how special she was to our family. I was glad to have my brother and sister-in-law pull up to the house or I think I might have really lost my senses. Maggie adored Kristy. I knew that seeing Kristy again would lift her spirits to a new height. It did, and I was so thankful to see Maggie's joy in another well loved friend by her side.

Before I knew it, Ken and I were leading her up to the mini van for a final car ride. It was almost too much. She seemed so happy to just focus on something else, practically making the large jump up into the back end herself. Ken drove, making a phone call to a friend for prayer, and I laid next to her drenching our Golden girl in a new flood of tears. We chose to go to the vet who provided the second opinion. I was so glad I did. For whatever the reason, I quickly saw just how comfortable Maggie felt with this veterinarian and the facility. She was full of tail wags, and showed no concerns or fears.

The last fifteen minutes went very quickly. The vet went over all of her stats again, letting us know we were doing the right thing, and going over how the next few minutes would play out for us and her. She was given a sedative that took about 10 minutes to put her in a very restful state of sleep. All the while, Ken and I tried our best to maintain composure and tell her over and over again what a good girl she was. I wanted 'Good Girl Maggie' to be the last words she ever heard from us on this earth. Maggie deserved as much. She fell into the deepest of slumbers just as she always did at home, with just the tip of her pink tongue sticking out. It was the most restful I have seen her in so very long.

The second shot, took only seconds. She never moved. Never flinched. She passed on as gently as I had asked the Lord to take her. And I am so thankful for that peace. However, it is still mind numbing to return back to the car less than thirty minutes later with the same dog you just cuddled next to, only this time, she's bagged up for her burial.

We've had days now to adjust to the absence of our Maggie. The grief hits in hard waves. Jack and I have been taking it probably the hardest. I followed Ken around like a lonely puppy dog for the first two days, as I quickly discovered that being alone with my thoughts was overwhelming. We've tried very hard to do things as a family during this time, and the kids have found the best therapy to be listening to 'Puppy Stories' as they call it. Anything I can retell about the many memories of Maggie, brings them happiness. Grace's therapy has been writing and coloring about her loss. Jack on the other hand needs to talk it out, and is trying to desperately understand the difference between body and spirit (he wanted to revisit her grave the next morning and unbury her to see if her body was still there.) He is full of questions about death, even asking in tears who would bury him when he died. Your heart breaks all over when you hear questions like that.

We all miss her. And catch ourselves when we almost whistle for her to come join us for a movie, or feel like we hear the familiar tap-tapping of her nails on the hardwood floors. The holes in our hearts are so deep. But it is my hope that the holes will eventually fill in as the scars from the last few weeks fade, and the memories of her entire life become the focus.

I told Maggie to meet me at the door when I arrive Home. I have no doubt that she will be there with her tail wagging hard, looking desperately around our heavenly Home for something on God's floor to bring to me as a welcome home gift.