Pitching A Fit

There are reasons for my absence as of late. My computer has a short in it, and has been on the fritz. But the real truth of it is, we've been house hunting. And after a strong effort, have come to the conclusion that we shouldn't be house hunting. House hunting makes you instantly embrace "BIGGER", "BETTER", and all of the coveting inbetween. You come home to a house that you suddenly loath, and it makes you a rotten grump for a week. Even worse, the Lord has clearly said that while we live in a house that is now completely paid off, that doesn't mean we should be looking for another one. I know He's right. In all honesty, I'm pitching an internal fit about the whole thing - mad at myself with just how greedy I can become overnight.

I love our yard, but I'm tired of the weeds. The flower beds in the yard have been neglected for over two years. I was once the "flower lady", while now I'm sure my name is cursed in hushed whispers. Grace even calls some of the beds our "ugly" garden.

There are doors in the house that have been slammed open over the years and now have holes in them. The master bath shower cannot be used until the source of a leak can be found. Pieces of tile are cracked and missing, while pebbles of loose grout from a tiling job not quite finished, find the soft tissues underfoot and jab you in the dark. Every faucet in the house has long since changed from gold to a tarnish that cannot be removed. We have two cars that can't manage to find their way in a cluttered garage. Faith's reflux has bleached every inch of our carpet in our bedroom. I could go on, and on.

My mind runs in circles. Are we outgrowing our 3 bedroom home with a finished basement and playroom? Perhaps two business and a family of three children and dog would be better suited for a larger home. Or do we just have too much stinkin' stuff? Part of me wants to start with a clean slate, and dump along the way. The other part of me loves this house and can imagine no other - the only house my children have ever known.

Like the moon, the mess will follow me wherever I go. It is part of living. It is part of having young children. It is part of homeschooling. No ground is sacred. And right now, I'm throwing a tantrum in the middle of it, while I clean out my kitchen from top to bottom, and pretend to move in again.

Surely I am being tested. Finding liquid concrete smeared all over the front door and porch this week (oh, yes...it happened), and blue food coloring tracked over the wood floors the following morning (yep, that happened too)..makes it very, VERY hard to not throw up my hands and say, "I'm moving, you kids stay here". (You can bet your buttered bread I'll be blogging on the consequences of those two days soon.)

This isn't about moving. I know. It is about obedience; obedience to the Will of God. Being happy in a house that isn't sparkling new. Being content in lives and not in the things that surround me. But you should have SEEN MY DOOR!!!